also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize