I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
