We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
