Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
