You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
