highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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