omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
