i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
