The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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