Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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