apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was like getting head from an anaconda
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize