I just made out with a guy for $7.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
