I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
