So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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