I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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