mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
