My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
