My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
accomplished twins. life is a go
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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