Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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