i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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