so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
