She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
