She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
