I skipped work to stalk him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize