I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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