Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize