Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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