Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
