i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
