Your dad touched me again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
