She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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