He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You pole danced in your parka.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
