Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
