my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
