my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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