Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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