Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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