It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
