is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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