I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
