If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
