Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
