I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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