how can u be prego again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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