i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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