I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I believe in your delicious
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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