Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
