if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
