Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
