Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
