Your face is a jimmy john
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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