I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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