after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
