their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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