Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
