I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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