If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
