I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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