I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
