Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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