Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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