Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
