What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
